A word I’d always used, but not until I learned French did I realize it’s directly translated from the French language, meaning, ‘already seen’. The feeling of having already been here before is in full force for me as my life seems to be on a stop and go cycle when it comes to my writing(or lack thereof).

In September of 2015 we moved to Indonesia. Before that, while we were living in France, writing was a creative outlet that came easily to me and I’d usually post something online weekly. But for some reason, in Indonesia, from our arrival in September until Christmas holidays in December I didn’t write a word.

Fast forward one year.

In September of 2016 we moved to Congo. In the first few weeks that we arrived I feverishly reported on life in Congo through my blog, having a plethora of observations, and experiences that I wanted to share. Then BAM. As if my keyboard was jammed, the words stopped flowing…until now, on Christmas holidays.Last year at about this time I wrote a lighthearted explanation explaining why I thought I was having writers block. The truth is, the first time around I really didn’t have a clue why my favourite past time stopped being fun, easy and relaxing. During that time writing became the equivalent of someone encouraging me to solve math problems as my new creative outlet–no thanks!

But you know how this story ends. I got un-stuck! I reopened my laptop and started writing again; 2016 even saw me collaborate with a group of amazing writers to edit and publish Once Upon an Expat. My writers block was a thing of the past…..until I moved to Congo.

It was back!

But this time, I know why! It took me until Christmas holidays to actually figure it out and to break out of my writing funk. But here I am, January 2017, tapping at the keyboard, and knowing exactly why I couldn’t write for the first few months, both in Indonesia and Congo.

There has been one constant with both of these moves that apparently makes me slightly uncomfortable. We had/have full time house-help in both places. If you’re new to my writing and this comes as a shock to you, please read this to get the full story and my thoughts/experience on house-help, because the idea of having a ‘maid’ and a ‘driver’ also blew my mind when I first heard it. That only happens on Fresh Prince of Bel Air, right?

I realized that it was the constant presence of someone else in our house that was blocking my writing mojo because I had no issue writing when we arrived in Congo, until our in house-help started and suddenly my writing came to a screeching halt. As lovely as she is, and as much as I appreciate not having to clean, I wasn’t used to having someone that wasn’t family ALWAYS in the house with me. To pack an extra punch, this year our house(or more accurately, our apartment) is quite a bit smaller than anywhere else we’ve ever lived, so to add an extra body in there during the day and results in privacy being slim to none. As much as I appreciate having help around the house, and not having to do it myself, I really do value my alone time. Maybe it’s the Catholic guilt, but I have a hard time plopping down on the couch with my laptop while someone else cleans my house(Unless it’s my Mom. Then strangely enough, this feels perfectly normal. Is that just me?). So instead of lifting my feet while someone cleans the floor under me, I keep busy, I go out, and I generally try and stay out of her way.

Awkward at times? Yes, indeed.

When I realized this was the issue blocking my creative flow, and how much I missed writing, I explained the situation to my husband. He suggested that I go somewhere, like a coffee shop, to write. But I fell into the same situation because not only was I driven there, but I seemed to be acutely aware that my driver was just sitting outside the coffee shop waiting for me. I was yearning for some alone time, either in my house, or my car.

Suggestion #2 from my husband was that if I wanted, we could let them both go and I’d be back to having my much-missed privacy on the home front. I really just wanted a ‘normal’ house, like we would have if we weren’t on a compound. But letting go our cleaner and driver meant we were then back to the same issue I wrote about in Indonesia: they depended on us. Not only did they count on us for a job to pay their bills, but we follow suit with other expats and pay their kid’s school fees, medical bills, buy their Christmas presents, and also help out financially in other areas. We’re in a position to be able to give back, and are happy to be able to do so. Not only were our cleaner and driver counting on us, but their kids were too. I knew that no one would be losing their job just because I had writer’s block. I’d just have to get over it in my own time.

I hear how it sounds, and I’m well aware that there are MANY, MUCH bigger problems out there, but this one stops me from writing; and writing keeps me sane, happy and balanced. It’s in everyone’s best interest that words continue to flow from my fingertips.

So now you’re up to speed, and this lengthy post is making up for lost time. I’ve gotten the ball rolling over the holidays and although I’m not back in the Congo for a couple more days, I’m writing up a storm. Now that I know where the writer’s block was coming from at least I can find a solution. Since moving into a larger house where I have room to hide away and write is NOT an option, I have a few ideas I can work with. But likely, now that I’ve acknowledged it, I’ll just suck it up, and get on with it.

If Will and Carlton could hang with Jeffery in the house all day, I could hang with Melle…just in MUCH smaller quarters.

…not a Fresh Prince fan? How about a Seinfeld ending then?

I’m back baby, I’m back! ~ George Costanza