My Mom had this ‘theory’ growing up.  She was convinced that if she said something bad about someone, whatever it was she said would happen to her.  I was never completely sold on this idea, but I have to give her credit, she does have some pretty hard evidence that proves her theory.  As a result of this belief, her mantra was always, ‘If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.’

Of course she’s not the first Mother to want to instil these types of values into her children.  But this was doctrine for my Mom.

I’m not sure what happens out there in the universe, but there’s a strange phenomenon that occurs the moment you become a Mother.  You realize that all this time, all these years; your Mother was right about everything!  Thinking of myself as a teenager, and knowing I have two daughters of my own, I now find it cruel that this epiphany takes so long to occur.  None the less, it has officially occurred and I’m sure my Mother couldn’t be happier.

When I was pregnant, I did something terrible.  I did the thing that all people without children do; I judged.  It seems like, family aside, I almost didn’t notice other people’s kids until I was about to have my own.  Then all of a sudden, the moment there was a baby in my belly, I became an expert on all things parenting.

Usually it was only my husband who had the pleasure of hearing how ‘wise’ I had become.  It wasn’t anything major; just the standard, ‘I have no children, but I think I can parent better than you’ type thoughts that I started mentioning to him.

Can you believe their kid doesn’t eat vegetables!?  Our kids will eat everything.

Once you raise your voice you’ve really lost all control.  I will never loose my patience when we have kids.  They’re only kids; what’s all the stress about?

Those kids look like they need a bath.  Why are they so messy?

8 Months Pregnant
I had no idea…

Nine months later; in walks karma, followed by her best friend payback and they were coming straight for me!  There was no escape.  The words had already left of my mouth; I couldn’t take them back.  I was screwed.

Of course I now have my own daughter that doesn’t like vegetables, she has gone out in public looking like she might be homeless and you’d better believe I’ve lost my patience more than once or twice.

I know what you’re thinking.  ‘These are pretty standard things.’  Right?  Let me get more specific for you then.

Before I had kids, and before I lived overseas, my cousin that lives in Australia flew to Canada for a visit, by herself, with her son.  The flight was a nightmare and she couldn’t bear the thought of doing the return trip a few weeks later, so her husband flew to Canada to fly back with them.

Now I swear I wasn’t being catty, or even judgmental.   But I do remember thinking, ‘Really? Does she actually need him to fly across the world in order to get back on the plane with her kid?’

Yes.  The answer is yes.  She does need him to fly back and help her.  Do you want to know how I know?

Last year, I flew overseas by myself, 6 months pregnant, with my 18 month old daughter on my lap.  She didn’t sleep more than 20 minutes during our entire 23 hours of travel.  Imagine for a minute what that looked like.  She also picked up the flu on the plane, and was sick for days after.  She couldn’t get used to the 8 hour time change, which meant I couldn’t get used to the 8 hour time change.  And then guess what happened.  As I poured my daughter a bowl of cereal at 4am, for the eighth day in a row, I wiped away my tears, picked up the phone, and called my husband; begging him to come and get us.  I didn’t know what time it was in Australia, but at that moment, I sent my cousin a silent apology.  I completely understood.

It took an entire year for me to build up the courage to do it again.  I’m terrified, but living abroad has a way of lacing you with guilt for keeping your kids so far away from their extended family.  It’s time for a visit.  I’m nervous though, because my story doesn’t end there, and I can’t help but wonder if karma and payback are lurking just around the corner.  Why are they such bullies?

After I finally got a few good nights’ sleep under my belt, I did some reflecting and cancelled the manic request that made to my husband.  My cousin had twice as far to go.  I was only going to Europe and one baby was in my belly, so she was easy enough to carry.  It wasn’t going to be fun; it would take 3 flights to get home and that time change is always a killer; but I had to step up to the plate.  I knew the next time I made the trip, I was going to have two kids, and it wasn’t going to get any easier.  The joys of living so far from home!

So as I picture myself next week, pushing my 2 year old’s stroller through International airports, searching for connecting flights, with a 6 month old strapped to my chest, after none of us having slept all night on the airplane.  I want to send out a very special apology.

To the woman who was beside me on my last flight back from Canada:

You had ‘spirited’ two year old twins and a colicky newborn baby.  I’m sorry for thinking to myself that you should have packed them some snacks, books or toys.  Maybe there was a reason you didn’t.  Maybe you lost your bag.  I’m sorry that I was silently willing them to be quiet so we could get some sleep.  I’ll blame that one on pregnancy hormones.  I’m sorry that after 6 hours of middle of the night screaming, when the flight attendant suggested there might be a seat I would be more comfortable in, I took it.  I shouldn’t have changed seats, it probably made you feel awful, but I was so very tired.  I take it all back!  I hope it’s not too late.

Sincerely,

Terrified to Get Back on a Plane

I’m telling you all this to save you from future misery.  Learn the lesson it took me over thirty years to finally grasp.  The next time you see a Mom teetering on the edge of sanity; you can judge if you want to.  But be careful because karma and payback; they’re mean, they’re ruthless and they don’t forget.