Making a life less ordinary

By: Claire Bolden McGill

Writing this piece about expat life made me reflect on how far I’d come on my life journey and made me ask what it is that I might do differently from anyone else which ultimately makes my experience worth writing about. The conclusion I came to is that the way I approach life is to, without wishing to sound arrogant, just get on with it. But I had to learn that for myself and I guess in some way that’s inspiring in itself.

My dreams have always been based on my desires and wishes to achieve and experience things that are a little different. I am a firm believer that YOU are responsible for making things happen, perhaps with a little bit of magic from that well-referenced entity called fate.  But until about three years ago, I hadn’t really put this into practice. I believed it, but I wasn’t living my life that way.

I believe three things:

• You can learn to make yourself happy and to take risks because you do have the capability.
• You can achieve happiness, fulfilment and richness through living life, not through not living life.
• You only have one life: you can choose to live it, or you can choose to just let it roll on by.

One of the struggles of being a ‘do-er’ is that I am always seeking new experiences and new goals, new things to achieve, and attempting to add new fascinating elements to my life. Always seeking, always looking, always doing: that’s how I live my life.

If you asked me to stay in and steam clean the carpet, rather than go out for a walk in a new town that I haven’t been to yet, I will take the latter experience without a hesitation. Ergo, my carpets are very dirty. Hey ho.

Let me explain how I got this mindset for adventure and achievement. For five years we had been living in the UK (I’m British!) and I felt like we were kind of just existing. My husband works for the civil service and one day mentioned that he would be in his job for another 35 years, that we would probably be in this house in the same town for the rest of our lives, and that we’d just be existing here as we are now, plodding along nicely with work, school, friends, hobbies etc.

I felt a kind of minor panic attack at the thought of such predictability. It was a claustrophobic feeling of ‘Oh my gosh, I just don’t want that to happen! It all sounds so…ordinary!’ Oh, don’t get me wrong, our life was very nice and nothing to complain about at all. But I knew that there were a million experiences out there and that I hadn’t yet had. The only way to change that and put adventure in my life was to get off my bum and do something different. The experiences wouldn’t just come to me; I had to make life changes. That meant we as a family would need to uproot and face it together. As a person nearing 40, who had basically partied her way through her 20s and watched a lot of TV shows in her 30s, I needed to put that change in motion.

So, we decided to move to the USA with my husband’s job since an opportunity had arisen at what appeared to be a really good time in our lives-fate perhaps?! By now I was of the mind that you NEVER turn down an opportunity. We were agreed in our goal for taking on a more extraordinary life, and my husband is well aware that for me that means sacrificing some things and rolling on through with others. 

This is an extract from my blog about our decision to move to the USA:

‘Green, green, greener

Some may say I “have it all”. (Depends of your definition of having ‘it all’, but for many this is it – to others, it’s winning X Factor.)

A happy family, a three bed-semi in the Cotswolds with a family-orientated kitchen and a large garden, two cats, a four-going-on-fourteen son, a husband who works in a fantastically rewarding job, a full-time job doing wordy things, a car (okay, a Daihatsu), nice clothes (lots and lots and lots), hobbies of netball and dancing that I get to do twice a week, a healthy attitude to work and play, a regular 6-week appointment to have my highlights done, size 10 jeans and a 36D bust.

But….I get itchy feet. It happens every three years or so….I need to move on, find something different and exciting. Something not quite so conformist, because having it all makes me want to pretty much de-construct it all and do something that doesn’t mean I’m boring myself into mid-life.

So, we’re going to move to America.

I do not, for one moment, think the grass is greener in the USofA (alleged land of hopes, dreams and gun-ownership) – I just want to taste some different grass, smell it, hear it, see it.

I live in the Cotswolds and I love my friends and my netball and my Zumba, but this area does not, and I doubt it ever will, rock my world. When I’ve lived abroad before, it’s invited in all my senses and I can close my eyes now and feel the humidity of Gibraltar, recollect the crazy juxtaposed sounds of Moroccan bazaars and Naval ceremonies and taste the salt water splashing over my face whilst speeding over the waves of the Mediterranean. It’s all as clear as day, knowing who I was talking to, what we said, how we felt, what that meant for me then and how it impacts on me now.  That’s what I’m talking about – experience; because real experience enriches me to make me the person I am now, and if I don’t get anymore experiences soon, I’m not going to grow as a person. And that , for me, is pretty damn scary.

I feel it’s my obligation to make sure that the same goes for my son.  Harry needs to feel, taste, smell and hear new sounds, see new images  and discover new places and people with wide, objective eyes; not narrow, subjective ones. It maketh the person and all that.

So, what have I achieved?

In two years I have written nearly 500 chapters of my successful blog, www.ukdesperatehousewifeusa.com, which I describe as ‘a little bit adventure, little bit stream of consciousness, little bit Bill Bryson.’

When I started the blog I described myself thus: ‘I’m an ‘expat’ who is pretty much seizing every opportunity I can in this strange and wonderful country (whilst also being a mother, wife and rather rubbish housewife.)’

What did I want to achieve with the blog? This. ‘I’ll be debunking myths and probably confirming some clichés that we Brits have about America and Americans. After all, what we know, or think we know, is generally from movies and TV series….. Throughout the blog I’ll share the things that amuse, confuse and bemuse me – and lots of stuff does!’

Did I have an American dream? Of course! ‘Am I a dreamer….? Yes! Would I like to go on Good Morning America every Friday for an update on my week in the merry old Land of Big Macs? Yes! Would I like to write a column for the Washington Post / Marie Claire all about these adventures? Yes, yes please!’

Whilst I can dream, I am also aware of the realities. ‘But right now, everything I see, feel and experience will be blogged about so I can share it with you. It’s a journey, and my eyes and mind are open for anything and everything. Particularly amusing and enlightening during the journey so far is the cultural comparison between the USA and the UK because, believe me, we Brits also have very curious traditions and quirky views on life too….!’

I finish my opener with this: ‘I hope you feel inspired to leave some comments and join in the chat/chinwag about my blog. Tell me about places to go and see, ask me questions, and share your tales the USofA, or even the UK.’

I am very proud of my blog, which is read by people all over the world, gets a huge number of hits on a daily basis, has new followers, a Facebook page and twitter account, and was voted as one of the best blogs in Howard County last year. People stop me in the street and ask if I am the ‘UK Desperate Housewife USA’. I’ve been on the cover of magazines, podcasts, TV shows, the radio, get invited to events, host events, cover events, am part of a blog community, a political community, an acting community, a writing community, and I write for various international and local publications on and offline about being my experiences. It’s been a whirlwind and I’ve loved every minute!

Alongside all this, I’ve got myself fitness qualification, wellness and nutrition psychology qualifications, written a children’s book, am writing a novel and an expat book, and have secured regular columns in various magazines. I’ve exposed myself to a great many communities, all of which have been welcoming and richly rewarding in my journey. I’m not bragging; I’m just sharing all this with you in the hope that you will see that things are possible if you put your mind to it. Think of it as encouragement!

Back then, in May 2012 was the realization that I could make this journey something special, and it is.

My top tips about getting involved in a community are these:

• Travel. Go on roadtrips, experience stuff and talk to people. Go to lots of places. Always talk to people and make connections. Follow up those connections. Communicate.
• Attend events. Many events are free. Go along. Maybe write about them, maybe just send a note of thanks. Take photos and post them up.
• Use social media and get involved in community projects. Show your support for your town or city. Think about how you can make a difference and what you can contribute. How can you improve things and make things better where you live?
• Meet people and make friendships. The friends you meet will show you what life is all about and enrich your life. You’ll have fun. They’ll be your guides, they’ll share information, introduce you to new things and new people and they’ll be there for you.
• Be open minded. Acknowledge difference, but don’t criticize. Look with your eyes, feel with your heart.
• Get out there and ask stuff. Make connections, be confident, don’t be afraid of knock backs.
• Make a bucket list and for everything you strike off, add one more thing. These are some of things I’ve added to mine: go on a police-ride-along, go visit a dude ranch, to try and make tacos the authentic way, go and volunteer at the food bank, volunteer to build houses in the Mississippi, get involved in a political campaign, be an extra on a TV show. I’ve nearly achieved them all.

I see everything as an experience; even the weird, strange, surreal, or slightly bad stuff. If you’re a writer, everything becomes a story. I’m not going to meet people and get stories and have experiences staying in and cleaning the carpets or the fridge. For me, a thrill-seeker, I can’t think of anything more dull. I rarely go to the shops to do grocery shopping, but if I do, I try out different stores, or I go with the intention of buying some new and different, or I go because they have an amusing promotion for a holiday on, or I check out in Spanish, just for fun.

Exactly how have these experiences enriched my life? Why is it my story considered inspiring? I don’t have a particularly clean house; I don’t have a particularly well-stocked fridge; I don’t have a tidy car; I don’t have my CDs in order; and I don’t have cushions that match my curtains. Those things don’t matter to me, but for someone who was once slightly OCD about that kind of thing, it’s been a significant breakthrough for me to release myself from the confines of keeping up appearances and simply being busy doing nothing (such as plumping my matching cushions on my steam-cleaned sofa) and to actually ‘find myself’.

I’m after the thrill of the chase, the thrill of new opportunity and the adrenalin rush that I get from new feeling new things, meeting new people, being somewhere new and different. Some people bungee jump off cliffs, some folk climb tall mountains, and yes, I think some folk even get the same feeling when they complete a newly knitted scarf.

I’m after a magical experience with my life. Finding magic in everything is a child-like quality and this underpins much of what I do or how I see or approach things. Try it, just once. See how different it feels. Take a walk in some woods you’ve never been to; talk to the person next to you in a coffee shop; buy something wacky you would never eat; go to an event that you would never usually go to. Jump for joy, laugh, have fun, embrace differences, make connections, be silly, and listen, smell, taste, see it all with new eyes and experience the magic in that.

These are my favorite quotes about taking risks in life and making things happen. These are the mantras I live by. They inspire me, and I hope that one of them will catch your attention and inspire you too.

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.”
― Helen Keller, The Open Door

“Don’t be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson, Journals of Ralph Waldo Emerson, with Annotations – 1841-1844

“A ship is always safe at the shore – but that is NOT what it is built for.”
― Albert Einstein

“If you dare nothing, then when the day is over, nothing is all you will have gained.”
― Neil Gaiman, The Graveyard Book

“If you’re offered a seat on a rocket ship, don’t ask what seat! Just get on.”
― Sheryl Sandberg

“But he’d learned long ago that a life lived without risks pretty much wasn’t worth living. Life rewarded courage, even when that first step was taken neck-deep in fear.”
― Tamera Alexander, Within My Heart

“…If there is no risk, there is no reward.”
― Christy Raedeke, The Daykeeper’s Grimoire
“Only those who play win. Only those who risk win. History favors risk-takers. Forgets the timid. Everything else is commentary.”
― Iveta Cherneva

“Sometimes you just have to have faith in your own ideas. If you don’t someone else will. Why should it be them and not you? The only difference is who is willing to take a chance.”
― Jennifer Ritchie Payette

“But if you never did anything you couldn’t undo you’d end up doing nothing at all.”
― Anne Tyler, Ladder of Years

“Risks can lead to great victories or defeats. Even if you are defeated, the lesson will be valuable for the next stage of life.”
― Lailah GiftyAkita

“You can’t have it both ways….. There’s the sure thing and then there’s happiness— but you gotta take the risk.”
― Sallyann Murphey, The Metcalfe Family Album: The Unforgettable Saga of an American Family

“Risk the risks.”
― Lauren Lola, A Moment’s Worth

Which one makes you feel like giving something a go right now? If you feel it, get up and do it. As Michael Jackson alluded to – start with the man in the mirror and make that change.

Communication is key in achieving your goals, especially in a family. We talk about what we want to do; understand each other’s individual goals and challenges and support as much as we can; respect each other’s singular goals; and talk about the mutual experiences and adventures we can have together. We’ve discovered shared experiences are amazing and are all part of our individual and family journey. There is something a little warmer and a little fuzzier about shared experiences as a family, and whilst I adore the excitement of solo writing and getting an article published; of being on set and filming a show and seeing it on TV a few months later; of working on a campaign and attending an event and seeing the results and response to that afterwards, the real joy and the real reward comes from sharing the journey, the moments and the laughter with my family and the friends I’ve made. They, combined, are my real inspiration and my real purpose for creating an amazing life, and they are the reason I must never become mundane or demotivated or simply just let life pass me by, because a life less ordinary with them is a life worth living for.

You’ll never find me sitting on the couch, even it has been wonderfully steam-cleaned.

A British tea drinking writer,     Claire spent three glorious years  wearing Daisy Dukes and cowboy     boots whilst saying words like     'crumpet' and 'brilliant' in the   USA. A total Americana convert,    Claire engaged her lust for life   and wrinkled her nose at the phrase 'trailing spouse' to immerse      herself in American culture.  She  learned many lessons whilst living in the States, especially those    involving red solo cups. Now back  in the UK as a freelance writer and PR, Claire misses almost everything about the USA, and so she     writes about her experiences as therapy (whilst drinking hot tea,  which is the best bit about being back in England ;) )